The week after my college graduation, I found out that though I had been on birth control, I was pregnant. Shocked at first, as the idea sank in my fiance and I played with the idea of being parents and realized it was something we both wanted together. I had heard the first trimester was the most difficult, with up to 25% of pregnancies ending in miscarriage and 80% of those happening in the first 10 weeks. Most of my life, I've wanted to prepare myself to emotionally and financially take care of my family when I am finally blessed enough to be a mother. I want to be as good a mother as my own, and as my grandmother, but with a family of my own. I was so excited for the pregnancy, and my first child, but I was nervous to announce anything during the first trimester. I told my family, and some closest friends, and they were so excited for me that the news spread and it soon felt like the whole world knew about the most recent development in my life. I changed a great deal to try to remain healthy for myself and my child. However, when I went in at 10 weeks for a sonogram I was told things didn't look as they should. My fiance came with my to a MRI center to get a sonogram, where I was told I had the sack for a 10 week baby, but the baby wasn't there. My body had begun miscarrying, but the process wasn't complete.
Originally, my Doctor had told me that I'd go into surgery at 11:30. Yesterday I received a phone call from the hospital and they told me my surgery was at 10:30 so I'd have to be in prep by 8:30. She also said I needed a blood test beforehand and needed to hurry in to get that done. So I rushed out there Thursday after work but they didn't have any paperwork for me. So after spending an hour and a half bouncing around departments, I was told they couldn't do anything and I would need to come in at 7:30 am to get the tests done first. I woke up at 7 to my grandmother's knock on my front door. We drove to the hospital, followed by my fiance. As we waited my mind was spinning about the procedure; what that meant for my future, the possibility of complication, and everything I read when I Googled what was going to be done to my body. I am prone to anxiety, and have been trying to find ways to calm my mind and my body. I've found knowing as much as I can about what to expect prepares me and helps me remain calm. I visualized the procedure and tried to meditate and take peace knowing what will be will be.
Looking forward, I'm remaining optimistic and am excited for this new chapter in my life. I'm blessed to have an awesome new job where I really think I can learn and grow toward my passion and the career path of my dreams. I have a wonderful family, whom I love dearly, and have been there unconditionally with their love and prayers. Though I am saddened with our loss, I am still blessed to have a wonderful house with the man of my dreams, my new Fiance. Looking forward, I'm going to keep moving forward. We know we want to start a family together, and though were going to give it some time first, that will come when it comes. For now we can enjoy being a young engaged couple. I am so blessed.
My purpose for writing all of this out in such a manner is that it is my own way of processing, dealing, and moving forward. I know not everyone agrees with sharing personal information online, but what I've come to love about life are the stories. I want to be able to share my stories with whomever may want to hear them. From my family and friends that are concerned, to anyone out there that might be going through a similar thing and find their own peace in sharing common experience. I've spent a lot of my life observing, and meeting the most interesting and wonderful people. As I begin this 22nd year of my life, I want to share my stories, and theirs, and have decided to begin blogging again as I'm finishing up the design on my website. Social Media may not be for everyone, but for me its a way to stay connected with the people I care about and that care about me. And if I can take all of these lessons I've learned and beautiful things I find, and I can share that to entertain, help, or please others, then I'm all the happier for it. I don't plan to continue on such a serious note, but wanted to tell this whole story once through rather than have to relive it continuously in explanations. Thank you family and friends for your love and support.