INTRODUCTION
I was born on the 15th day of June in 1990. As the
eldest daughter to my mother and father, I have been blessed with the selfless
love of the best family I could ever ask for and the wise advice and guidance
from my community elders. Before I go further in regards to the content of my
life, it is important to understand the context of the world I was born into as
the pursuit of my passions is rooted in the global culture to which I was born.
1990 marked the change of a decade from the 80’s to the 90’s, and the world was
shifting dramatically. This was the last year of the Cold War Era and
documented dramatic political and social changes around the world. As the Cold War came to a close, the Gulf War
began. Political unrest led to revolutions and was accompanied by many former
Soviet nations declaring their independence. Though there were movements and
agreements made toward solidarity and peace in this international platform,
there were also horrific terrorist attacks and national disasters in 1990.
Revolutionary action was stirring up innovation globally, and this was the year
that birthed the World Wide Web as well a number of noteworthy scientific
advancements. With technological innovations beginning to affect the way we
communicate, I was born into an increasingly smaller world as our networks
began to grow exponentially stronger internationally. As this cultural
diffusion was happening all over the world, new frontiers began to develop and
social justice initiatives that transcend national boundaries began to reshape
the world as we know it.
THE WORLD IN 1990
To
begin the year, the United States invaded Panama which resulted in Manuel
Noriega surrendering to American forces. There were significant political
changes resulting from the Cold War, beginning with Lithuania demonstrating for
and later declaring its independence from the Soviet Union. Soviet Troop killed
130 and wounded 700 protesters for national independence in Baku, Azerbaijan,
but this did not kill the revolutions. 1990 was the year that East Germany held
their first elections, which would lead to East and West Germany deciding to
merge their currency and economy before the end of the year. In Estonia’s first
free elections they declared that Soviet rule had been illegal since 1940. The
Soviet Union apologized for the Katyn Massacre, but the snowballing effect of
independence was already in motion. Latvia declared its independence, followed
by Estonia restoring its name to the Republic of Estonia with its previous
state emblems. Romania joined the movement as they held their first
post-communist presidential and parliamentary elections, and the Republic of
Yemen was formed from the Yemen Arab Republic and the People’s Democratic
Republic of Yemen. Along with political reshaping, this was the year George
H.W. Bush and Mikhail Gorbachev signed the treaty to end chemical weapon
production and began destroying their respective stocks in the United States
and the Soviet Union. Gorbachev was later awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his
efforts to ease the tensions post-Cold War as Russia was reformed. To conclude
the 1990 Cold War events, the parliament of the Russian Federation declared
sovereignty, as did Belarus, and when Azerbaijan declared independence it
finally lead to the collapse of the Soviet Union.
With
the end of one war was the beginning of another as terrorism and political
action between Iraq and Kuwait lead to America’s involvement in the Gulf War.
After Iraq invaded Kuwait, the United Nations Security Council ordered a global
trade embargo against Iraq. President George H.W. Bush made a statement on
television threatening to remove the Iraqi soldiers with force. This was
followed by the passing of the UN Security Resolution 678 which authorized
military intervention if Iraq did not withdraw and release their hostages.
Before the end of 1990, Saddam Hussein did release the hostages, but the
trouble wasn’t over. On an international level this year saw acts of terrorism
across the globe. A terrorist act in Azerbaijan resulted in the Armenian
terrorists blowing up a passenger bus killing 14 and wounding 35. In the
Caribbean, a coup attempt on the parliament building in Port of Spain, Trinidad
and Tobago lasted 5 days and killed almost 20 people. The Middle East also saw
continued Israeli-Palestinian Conflict as Israeli police killed 17 and wounded
over 100 Palestinians near the Dome Rock mosque on the Temple Mount in
Jerusalem.
Though
the world was going through a period of uncertainty in 1990, there were many positive
revolutionary acts and developments as well. The United Kingdom and Argentina
restored their diplomatic relations after 8 years of problems. In 1990 the FIFA
World Cup was held in Italy, where the world watched West Germany defeat
Argentina. The International Olympics Committee decided that year that the 1996
Summer Olympics would be held in Atlanta, Georgia in the United States.
International cooperation continued as the Charter of Paris for a New Europe
was signed between European Nations, Canada, and the United States. With the
end of the Soviet Union Russia saw it first McDonalds this year as the corporate
giant continued its international trek. It was also the year Nelson Mandela was
finally released near Cape Town, South Africa after 27 years of incarceration.
Additionally, Brian Keenan, an Irish writer, was released from Lebanon after 5
years in captivity. 18 months after a coup in Haiti, Prosper Avril was removed
from his seat of power in 1990 to be replaced by elected President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide ending 3 decades of military rule. Similarly, Bangladesh
President Hossain Mohammad Ershad was forced to resign after massive protests
in his country. In Croatia, the Serbian Democratic Party declared the
sovereignty of the Serbs in Croatia and the first constitution of the Republic
of Croatia was adopted.
1990
saw dramatic changes geologically and technologically as well as politically. A
7.3 earthquake killed thousands in Manjil, Iran. Later, an underwater volcano
called Mount Didicas erupted in the Philippines and was followed a short time later
by a 7.7 earthquake killing 1,600. This was also the year Exxon was indicted on
5 criminal counts for the Exxon Valdez oil spill that had significant
environmental damage. As support teams attempted to deal with the environmental
devastation, NASA put the Hubble Space Telescope into orbit. Paleontologists
mark the year the with discovery of the best preserved Tyrannosaurus rex
specimen ever found in Faith, South Dakota. One of the most significant
advances though may be in the technological developments of 1990. Earlier in
the year, Steve Jackson Games was raided by the Secret Service which later led
to the development of the Electronic Frontier Foundation to raise public
awareness about civil liberties issues associated with advancing computer-based
communications media. Later in the year, Col Needham launched the Internet
Movie Database which allowed users to search for information regarding films
online. Though this seems simple now it was revolutionary at the time. However,
the most significant achievement of this year was Tim Berners-Lee publishing
the formal proposal for the World Wide Web and then creating the very first
webpage on the first web server.
As
the world was reforming and the frontiers of the new millennia were developing,
cultural issues transcending national boundaries such as gender equality and
homosexuality were advancing as well. In 1990 the World Health Organization
finally removed homosexuality from its list of diseases. Following this,
Queensland Australia decriminalized homosexual acts between consenting adults.
The first female Anglican priests, Kathleen Young and Irene Templeton, were
ordained at St. Anne’s Cathedral in 1990. Not to be outdone, Ireland elected
its first female President Mary Robinson, catching international attention. In
America, George H.W. Bush signed the Americans with Disabilities Act designed
to protect disabled Americans from discrimination. All in all, 1990 saw
monumental changes, and least importance of all of these is my birth. However,
I have a very unique and rich story with a vibrant and trying background that
I’m eager to share within the context of my own cultural lenses and privileges.
This may appear just another autobiography, but the Native American side of my
family taught their youth through oral tradition. I have composed this document
to explain my lessons of world history and examine my role in it for all those
I may serve as a teacher or an elder to, that the wisdom of my family is not
lost.
CALIFORNIAN
I
like to jest that my family has been Californians since before my friends’
immigrant ancestors knew what California was. The truth is that is only a part
of my family tree and to get a thorough understanding of how I have developed
into the person I am today a more inclusive explanation is needed. My mother’s
grandmother is Native American hailing from the Wintu, Pitriver, and Chimariko
tribes of Northern California. She married a Russian man whose family escaped
through Canada to California during the Second World War. As Native Americans
were considered the lowest social class at the time, for his love of my
great-grandmother he wrote scores of romantic poetry, but his love was not
recognized by his family. They were wed, and he was disowned for the disgrace
of marrying a “dirty Indian”. Their eldest daughter was my grandmother, and
after her mother died young of cancer it was my grandmother’s responsibility to
raise her siblings and take care of the motherly responsibilities though she
was just a child herself. Her struggles growing up with nothing led to her
relentless work ethic and her self-taught mastery of a diversity of tasks and specialty
skills. She implemented what she learned at home and as the highest tiered
civilian employee in the Transportation Department at McClellan Air Force Base in
Sacramento, Ca.
My
mother’s father’s side is also a very interesting one. Born in Kansas of
natural childbirth to a white mother and father, my grandfather has dark skin
and traditionally African-American features. His sisters were all white and he
was raised in Kansas by a white Christian family, but this did not save him
from prejudice and strife during the Civil Rights era. My grandfather began
with an apprenticeship at McClellan Air Force Base’s Printing Press in High
School. He enrolled in college and loved to play baseball, and was actually
drafted to the Pittsburg Pirates. Unfortunately, he dropped a class which made
him eligible for the National Draft. When he didn’t pick up a replacement class
in time he was drafted to the Korean War. There he worked on cryptanalysis,
though to this day he still remains loyal to his pledges of upmost
confidentiality regarding his time working for the government. His General knew
his love of baseball, and allowed my grandfather to play professionally in
Japan for a few years before he came back to the States and McClellan Air Force
Base. It was here that he eventually met my grandmother, and they were a strong
multiracial supportive couple often coaching my mother and my aunt’s softball
teams even after they divorced. My grandfather remarried and I have been
blessed with another amazing aunt and uncle, but my grandmother remained a
single parent and was highly involved in raising my sisters and myself.
On
my father’s side I’m blessed to have a grandmother with a passion similar to
mine for genealogy. The daughter of a country Assembly of God pastor, she’s
traced our family back to Norway in the 1700’s. My grandfather’s family has
proven slightly more difficult to trace, though we do know they came to
California from Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl. My grandfather was offered a
country singing deal before he decided to serve his country overseas. When he
came back my grandmother and he worked relentlessly to provide for their
unexpectedly large family of 6. With a devout faith, my grandmother utilized
her property management skills while my grandfather worked an array of blue
collar jobs and they traveled up and down Northern California with their
family.
My father started his own family very young,
and became an auto mechanic to provide for his new wife and daughter. He had my
three eldest half-sisters in that marriage before they were divorced. Now I am
blessed with 3 older sisters living on a reservation in Montana, as they are a
different tribe Native American, with my 3 beautiful nieces and 3 handsome
nephews. The eldest of my nephews just graduated and is making our family proud
by serving his country. My father later took a job working for Ryder Truck
Rentals, and worked his way up to a position of regional manager. My mother was
a recent Marketing and Management graduate from Sacramento State working for
Ryder as part of an arrangement to fund her education, and it was here that my
parents met. After dating a while, they married and had me a year after. Though
I had many cousins on my father’s side spread out across the West Coast, I was
the oldest granddaughter on my maternal side and was very close geographically
and emotionally to these grandparents, especially my grandmother “Mum”. My
parents had three daughters together, and my grandmother was a significant
impact on my life and is my role model for the independence, passion, and
selfless love she has always demonstrated.
CITRUS HEIGHTS - MY BIRTH
I was raised for
18 years in the same home I was brought to after my birth in the North East
suburbs of Sacramento County. I did not recognize my privilege as a child
because my earliest memories are ones surrounded by tons of family and love and
activity. Socioeconomically my family was lower middle class, and though I now
know how rough some years were my mother worked miracles so that I never
realized how bad things sometimes got. My mother had me in 1990, but I was soon
followed by two more sisters in 1993 and 1994. With 3 young children to raise,
my mom worked various jobs when I was younger and I would spend time with
babysitters during the day. When my sisters came, she decided though she had
her degree and robust career opportunities she wanted to be there to raise my
sisters and myself. My father was traveling frequently at the time as a Regional
Manager for Ryder, and my earliest memories of him revolve around his return
home on the weekends with gifts from around the country. My Mom sold Tupperware
for a while, and as an amazingly creative and resourceful person she would
craft dolls to sell at craft shows to make a little extra cash flow. Then, she
decided to go back to school to get teaching credentials so she could teach at
the local Christian preschool my sisters and I attended. When my youngest
sister was getting old enough to talk, my father realized the strain it put on
my mother and my family having him travel so often. He quit his job at Ryder
and together with my mother they opened Hale’s Truck Trailer Repair, Inc. with
a Body Shop, Service Department, and Paint booth to specialize in freight
vehicles. This allowed me to spend much more time with both of my parents, and
to grow in an environment where I was constantly learning about the family
business.
Green Oaks Fundamental Elementary School Beavers
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
It was not easy
having my father as the CEO and my mother as the CFO of their own company,
because from that moment on work always came home with them. Though the stress
would put a strain on parents’ relations, and I’m sure it was not easy on my
father in a house with 4 high energy females, it created an environment for me
to learn how to mediate. I appreciate the struggles of these times because from
a very young age I was able to see both sides of the argument, often with my
mother’s marketing training leading her to point out the “devil’s advocate”, I
realized generally the best solution lay in a mutually beneficially compromise.
This came through in Kindergarten when I would attend special meetings when
asked to be a conflict manager on my playground and for my peers. Through
Elementary school I was very privileged to be at the best public school in my
district. It was not my neighborhood school, but I waited to get in and then
attended from first through sixth grade. The parents at this school were
generally very involved and supportive, and I was allowed the creative freedoms
and rigorous academics to explore the heights of my own passions and talents.
Here I was in extra classes called G.A.T.E. for gifted and talented education
where I performed my first dissections in second grade and was taught life
skills and to think critically. I had two best friends from school growing up,
one beautiful and athletic, the other quietly gorgeous and very studious, and
they were both rooted in a deep faith in God. One of the best friends I have
today I met through church, but even as we grew up and away she has always been
the bedrock of reason and love that you need in a true best friend. In fourth
grade I made a new friend, a young Muslim girl from Singapore. I was fascinated
by her culture and family, and this relationship drastically affected my world
view during the 9-11 terrorist attacks and ensuing national blind hatred for
Muslims like my best friend. By sixth grade I was the Student Body President
and my mother was the PTA President. I appreciate this sheltered time in my
life as I feel it was a critical incubation period for me to develop, make
friendships, and learn to appreciate my differences and embrace my intellect.
Louis Pasteur Fundamental Middle School
MIDDLE SCHOOL
My fairy-tale
world did not last forever, and it was a critical turning point in my life when
a friend of mine committed suicide the summer between 6th and 7th
grade. Going from an academically challenging bubble to the mainstream
realities of my pubescent peers, I entered into my own severe suicidal
depression. I wondered why my friend would take her own life and what I really
had to live for. I learned a lot about relationships as my friendships and
networks grew, and I found my purpose in life. I got through that time by not
focusing on myself and all of my apparent inadequacies and fears, but by
resetting my goals and my perspective, and thereby forever altering the reality
of my world. I realized I won’t be remembered for the number of dollars I die
with in my bank account, but rather for what I invest in other people and how
their life was somehow different because of my own. I couldn’t bring back my
lost friend, but as a 13 year old it became apparent I couldn’t sit around and wait
for someone else to be the friend people like her needed; I needed to be the
change I was waiting for. As Arnold H. Glasow discovered, “Success isn’t the
result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”
In middle school
many seeds of interest were planted that have today developed into the passions
I live my life by. I had the opportunity to take a Media class in 7th
grade in which we learned to write scripts, act, direct, edit, and broadcast
our skits across campus. I remained in Honors Classes and began noticing my
affinity for Math and Science as I was placed in the accelerated math classes.
Then in 8th grade I learned more about graphic design as I served as
Co-Edit-in-Chief of the school newspaper and yearbook. I had amazing best
friends, and though I was a social butterfly interested in hearing everyone’s
story, I had 2 best friends at this school. One of them was a beautiful Puerto
Rican, Mexican, and Black Mix and the other was a stunning model whose mother
was from Fiji and whose father was an Austrian pastry chef. We were Lulu, Fuffi
Fuffi, and Kakootzabella, and from this I use the name Lulu in my current blogging
projects. I also became best friends with Bella’s old boyfriend as we all used
to spend a lot of time together, a Salvadorian and French young man with a
passion for his car club and music. The summer before High School I took a Web
Design class at Sac State learning to design websites on FrontPage and Dream
Weaver programs, and I designed websites for small businesses before I was old
enough to work a traditional job. After that, Fuffi, Bella and I went our
separate ways in High School, and though we tried to keep in touch our school
schedule and Fuffi’s relocation to Orange County made this difficult. This led
me into a new period of my life, as I took it as another chance to reinvent
myself.
Bella Vista High School Broncos
HIGH SCHOOL - FRESHMAN & SOPHOMORE YEAR
Again in High
School I didn’t go to my neighborhood high school, which was often threatened
to be turned into a vocational school due to the low level of college
applicants and a number of other poor performance problems. I enrolled in the best
academic school in my district for the college preparation and the excellent
Drama department because I love to sing, dance, and act. Though I did not enjoy
the new drama teacher my freshman year, I took chances to explore my other
interests. I played three different sports over the course of four years. I had
gone back and forth between Soccer and Dance since I was 5, but I started out
my freshman year playing Center Midfield on the freshman team. Though I loved
the sport, the time commitment was huge and I also had a rigorous Honors and
Advanced Placement Schedule as well as significant time commitments to work and
my Youth Group. During my sophomore and Junior Year I enjoyed playing Varsity
Golf as my athletic choice. When I turned 16 the summer between sophomore and
Junior I was dating a musician, as I also wrote music since I was 12 and played
acoustic guitar since I was 14. I began working hard for minimum wage at an Ice
Creamery around the corner from my house. After that I worked seasonally for Mervyn’s
in the Children’s Department before working as an Administrative Assistant in
my parent’s business until graduation.
High School Graduation
HIGH SCHOOL - JUNIOR & SENIOR YEAR
My Junior Year
is when I began dating my first real love, who ended up being my high school
sweetheart until Graduation when I was 18. A 6’4” German Mormon, he played on
the Varsity Basketball team and I grew close to his family as I would go
support as many games as possible. My senior year was strenuous preparing for
college, working, and taking so many AP classes. My middle sister was a
Freshman this year, and I was so excited to share my campus with her. My
sisters and I have danced many styles of dance over the years, as our mother
was a college cheerleader, dancer, and aerobics instructor. I have trained in
Jazz, Ballet, Tap, Hip-Hop, Modern, Waltz, Cha-Cha, Rumba, Salsa, Zumba,
Foxtrot, and Swing Dancing over the years, but was not too interested in doing
a sport my Senior Year. One of my good friends from middle school was the
Captain of the dance/drill team, and I needed to drive my sister to tryouts, so
I ended up trying out as well. It was a predominantly young team, but that gave
me the opportunity to help play “mama bear” and offer whatever love and
guidance I could. That whole year I would go to school at 7 AM, get out at
Noon, work till 4:30, go to practice till 8, and then spend my weekends at
various band and dance competitions. Most schools do not combine their drill team
and their color guard, which dances with the high school band. Our band was
regionally acclaimed and wanted more dancers so it was as if we did two
separate sports in one year with two separate competing teams and two seasons.
The highlight of that year was our team trip to perform at Orlando Florida and
then on a cruise performing on the ship as it sailed the Bahamas. At the end of
my Senior Year I had my sights on attending University of the Pacific, my
Aunt’s Alma Matter, as they were an hour from home and offering me the most
financial aid and academic grants. I graduated with a 4.3 scoring a 2020 on my
SATs and was admitted to Pacific as an Honors Biology Student with my sights on
becoming a Pediatric Doctor.
O'Donnell Fam
POST GRADUATION
One of the most
important lessons my mother taught me to accept is that you need to set goals
so you’ll achieve more, but at the same time you need to be able to adapt when
plans change. Turning 18 immediately around graduation I moved out of my
parent’s house and in with my grandmother for the summer. With my free spirit
finally unleashed from the demanding environment of my upbringing I set out to
discover what the world had to offer me. I have made many mistakes over the
past four years, but my scars have taught me lessons that have led me to be the
person I am today. Though I have never adequately articulated all of my
experiences during this time, I am so grateful for every setback and lesson
that I feel compelled to outline this story for whoever might have the desire
to hear it. I am confident, because I know that the content of my life is good
and exactly what I want it to be, but I am balanced in my humility because I
know that I have only become this person because of those beautiful souls that
have touched my life and helped direct my path.
When I turned
18, I decided I wanted to be single and date. I believed I had known a good,
yet complicated love and though marriage was discussed I wanted to experience
life because I knew I didn’t have an adequate frame of reference to know what
love really was yet. I didn’t want to work for my parents anymore, but rather worked
at a local Movie Theatre until I left for college. My mother is an amazing
wombyn, but I know she lives with regrets of her own, and she loves me so
fiercely she attempted to protect me from harm by carefully watching us and
monitoring where we were and who we were with every minute of the day. I
appreciate her compassion and intent, but it did at times make things so
painful for me, and as I entered “legal adulthood” I didn’t want to be
protected anymore, I wanted to experience the bittersweet realities of life.
Over that Summer I rekindled a connection with my childhood love, and that
helped me refresh my vision of who I was outside of my parents and outside of
my high school relationship. I felt I was starting over and I could choose to
be anyone that I wanted to be because perception is reality and how I presented
myself would influence how I was perceived and therefore treated. Dress how you
want to be addressed. I couldn’t stand people that were too materialistic or
lived their lives by conformity and “group-think”. All through high school I
would go to as many indie-punk rock shows as I could and I fed off the energy
of the non-conformist, the cultural oddities, and the critical thinkers. I
developed some bad habits at this time including smoking cigarettes and
partying Wednesday-Sunday. I began dating a friend, a Mexican young man that
would DJ at local parties and events. I was living hard and fast, but realized
my Russian, Native American, and Irish blood gave me a real affinity for
alcohol as well as addiction, so I never tempted myself with hard drugs for
fear of liking them and losing myself. The summer ended and I entered my
Freshman Year at the University of the Pacific in Stockton.
Students of Distinction 2007
UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC - FRESHMAN YEAR
I began working
as a Diversity Coordinator in the ALANA (African, Latino, Asian, Native American)
Center of the Multicultural Center on campus. I met an array of people on
campus, but was still so close to my friends in Sacramento I was going there
almost every weekend and every chance I got. My parents and I were having
problems as they did not approve of my life choices and threatened to stop
paying for school. At this point I withdrew from Pacific in first semester and
moved in with my boyfriend in Sacramento to work full time to save up enough
money to fund my own education. I learned a lot during that time, and I had
many wonderful friends and loved the Latin culture of his house. However, I
found out he had been cheating on me with a “friend” I had always been
uncomfortable with. Being with him also set me back substantially financially.
I moved in with my grandfather, and spent a good deal of time listening to his
stories and lessons. I decided then to return to Pacific, because with the
financial aid I was receiving here it was cheaper for me to return than to go
anywhere else. I had some good diverse friends I met through different avenues
during this time, but many of them left Pacific around the end of our freshman
year for financial and academic reasons. I patched things up with my family
slowly but surely and found a new romantic interest in a Salvadorian and
English Business Student. That summer I returned to Sacramento and worked at
Camping World, preparing to return to the Multicultural Center the next year.
Halloween 2009
UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC - SOPHOMORE YEAR
My sophomore
year I knew I was not enjoying my major as I had before. In high school I loved
genetics and molecular biology, but in college I was enjoying Chemistry and
discovering life way more than the intense competition and memorization needed
for ecological biology. At Pacific, there are Professional Schools for Pharmacy
and Dentistry, and the majority of my peers were competing to be accepted in
one of these schools. Working in the Multicultural Center, I would plan events
that taught about culture and perception and acceptance as well as current
social justice issues. I had been planning parties since I was 5, and enjoyed
the attention to detail and creativity needed for bringing people together to
enjoy themselves. A family friend was an Event Planner for the governing
business organization in Downtown Sacramento, and she agreed to let me Intern
for her. I decided to switch my Major to Business Marketing as I saw a wider
variety of opportunities beginning with a Bachelor’s of Science in Business. I
wanted to plan events with social justice causes, and if at all possible
incorporate my love of music. My boyfriend at the time had been rushing a
fraternity on campus, and I went through that as his girlfriend and spent a lot
of time with his fraternity brothers. They were relaxed and respectful and it
was a wonderful period of my life, and I ended up rushing and joining a
sorority on campus. What makes any moment precious is that it is fleeting and
this time too came to an end. Though I appreciate all the memories and bonds I
made, I was in a position I had to
choose between my job and internship and sisterhood, and as I had to fund my
own living expenses I couldn’t give up my job. An uncomfortable break-up made
it impossible to visit my friends in the fraternity house without problems with
my ex, so again I set out to reinvent myself.
The end of my
sophomore year I began spending more time with an old colleague from the
Multicultural Center, a handsome African American, Haitian, and Creole young
man from the Bay Area. Our time together developed into a relationship and I
grew to love him very much and became best friends with him as I spent the
summer in Stockton at summer school and he worked for the Stockton Ports
Baseball Team. I was still working at the Multicultural Center during the year,
but began working an Internship with a startup company of recent Pacific
graduates called Port City Marketing Solutions. They gave me the title of
Director of Event Planning and I began to teach myself how to throw concerts in
a larger venue. I learned from experience how to handle talent, lighting,
sound, promotions, and financial analysis with our Domestic Violence Awareness
Concert that benefited the Women’s Center of San Joaquin County. This was the
first event I performed in as the opening spoken word artist. I worked for Port
City into the next year, but my junior year would prove to be a very difficult
one.
Women's History Month 2010
UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC - JUNIOR YEAR
To make some
supplemental income I took a job as an Event Manager for the University
handling the tech for various events hosted in Pacific’s facilities.
Additionally I was working at the Multicultural Center, and was President of
the Native American Student Association. I took another job as Campus Affairs
Commissioner sitting on Senate and Cabinet as the liaison between Pacific’s
Associated Students and the clubs and organizations on campus. Financial
strains and relationship troubles led me into the second most severe depression
of my life. Though I was not suicidal, I did not want to die, I didn’t really
want to live either and things began to snowball for the worst. Family problems
back home broke my heart, and the same thing that led me to love my ex made it
difficult for us to communicate about the stresses I was experiencing. We were
from different cultures, and we saw the world differently, but once I made my
heart vulnerable to him our miscommunications would cut me deeper than I could bare
because all I ever wanted was to love him and make him happy and be happy with
him. We broke up before second semester, though our relationship carried
through the end of 2011, and I began isolating myself in my work which
heightened my depression. I would use alcohol as a crutch to forget how
miserable I was, and one night when I was passed out in a friend’s bedroom
alone I was molested in my sleep. I do not know the extent of the molestation
because I was unconscious at the time. When I woke up my friend told me he
accidentally walked in and saw this stranger over me but didn’t realize I was
unconscious. It took a deep emotional toll on me and I withdrew further from
caring about school and stopped trusting I would be safe if I went out. Some more
horrible things happened to me that semester, and that wasn’t the only night I
was taken advantage of. I had to come to terms with that, but at the time I
wasn’t strong enough to so I wanted to drink to forget the pain. One of these
times I realized I had too much to drink but I didn’t feel comfortable where I
was, so I tried to drive the 5 blocks home and my tire with the entire break
mechanism blew off. The car was totaled as I tried to pull off to a side road,
and as a cop pulled up behind me to help with the dangerous situation they
realized I had been drinking. I was a few weeks short of my 21st
birthday and I was arrested for a DUI, adding to my isolation with the
inability to travel independently. My ex remained in my life as my companion
when I was so lonely it was unbearable. I maintained friendships I had made,
but mostly wanted to retreat into my own mind and observe the way that everyone
else interacted amongst themselves. Through this deep period of introspection,
I had a professor, my advisor, who realized I was performing under my potential
academically. I didn’t share with her all the details of my struggles, but she
gave me the kick in the ass I needed to start applying myself again and not
give up on my dreams.
ASuop Winter Tiger Nights 2011
UNIVERSITY OF THE PACIFIC - SENIOR YEAR
The summer
before my senior year was a busy one. I had been asked to sit on the University
President’s School Spirit Committee as a student representative with
administrators to assess and make recommendations to enhance school spirit.
Here I met the Associate Vice President of the University’s Marketing and
Communications Department. A child of technology and being well versed in the
channels of communication across campus, I spoke up and made some suggestions
for disseminating Marketing Research tools that caught his attention. He
offered me an internship working full-time as his personal intern, and I jumped
at the chance. I began working with the Media department covering commencement
and the Press Conferences with former Mexican President Vicente Fox. I’ve since
worked on various projects as needed, spending a substantial amount of time on
top current and aspirant peer comparisons for the University. I’ve used this
research to develop a new University Wide social media plan that will begin to
be implemented this semester. I no longer work for the multicultural center,
but have continued to embrace the vibrancy that diversity brings to my life. I
have worked to build the home I want to live in within walking distance of
campus. I have 3 amazing roommates that keep me balanced and constant energy
flowing through my house. The two roommates I originally had were in the LGBT
community, and the other is Vietnamese born and raised in Germany studying at
the local junior college. I am grateful for new and developing friendships, as
I have been able to help my male roommate refocus his life and find a way to
pursue higher education that will forever transform his life. He has introduced
me to some amazing friends, and I have simplified my life to find the time to
rekindle the healthy relationships that give me the energy to do the intense
work that I do.
Commencement May 2012
WHAT I'VE LEARNED
Looking
at the future, I’m so excited for all the various possibilities of where my
life may go. I have been giving it deep introspection and looking for guidance
from many elders around me. Before I address where I’m going, having explained
how I got here, I would do my story injustice if I do not explain what I have
learned from my strife. In Native American culture, there is this idea of
spirit animals. You have multiple animals throughout your life that are concentrated
on specific behaviors and attitudes, that come in and out of your life as you
transition and need the lessons they teach. Above these animals is the Totem
animal, which accompanies your soul’s energy through the physical and spiritual
world. These animals are revealed to the individual in different fears,
admirations, or appearances until it is clear to the individual what their
animal is. I believe my spirit animal is the hummingbird, small but considered
a warrior in battle that will dance out its unique colors and filigrees in the
sky. I believe my Totem animal is the mythological Phoenix, as she reminds me
there can be rebirth through devastation, and when it comes it’s a brand new
chance to redefine who I want to be. Success will not be the end of my failure,
but if I stop trying to improve everyday such a failure would prevent any
future success. I love people for the nature of who they are in the unique
context of their life. I believe that love is the most powerful transcendental
emotional energy we will ever know. I believe that the smoky mirrors of modern
society have distracted us from what matters in life by using “group-think” to
play a giant chest game with the globe and advance the value of money over the
value of life. I believe that culturally we have developed systems to sustain
our life and liberties in an urban way which are not in their entirety wrong,
but this can only be assessed through a resonating sense of the content and
context of self as well as learning how to assess all stimuli and information
critically.
In Native
culture spirituality and religion are different and separate things. Religion
is the systemized way of worshipping a specific deity, or deities, and many
Native Americans believe in a Christian God. The spirituality is recognition of
the connectedness between all living things, that we all have a common destiny.
A good way to explain this is if you are to look at a tree. From a molecular
biologist’s standpoint, we’re made up of the same protein and chemical building
blocks as the tree, just with a different blueprint for construction. When we
exhale the tree breathes, and when the tree exhales we are provided with the
specific molecules we need to sustain our lives. Native American spirituality
is often misunderstood by modern culture. There are hundreds of different
unique tribes across the Americas, and sometimes the old ways are preserved.
However trends of a new overarching subculture with common modern symbols and
practices are what typically exists in urban and suburban settings. Many of
these culturally rich centers are not advertised to the mainstream media as is
complementary or true of the culture, but stories are often framed poorly or
spun for some alternative purpose. I believe all living things are connected –
that is my spirituality, and as a scientist I can prove it. We all consume
resources to sustain life, to create necessary energy to keep the machine of
our physical bodies flowing in balance, and then expel excess energy, waste,
and byproduct out into the environment. This process is what it means to be
alive, and every living organism sustains this life as long as it can before
their machine breaks down or their life is stopped by some external force. From
all of this autobiography, the moral of my life is this: life itself is of the
upmost value, we try to sustain it as long as we can but its brevity is what
makes it precious.
WHAT MATTERS MOST
So
if the brevity of our life is the most precious thing we possess, and our life
is measured in time, our time is our most valuable resource. We are all born
into different systems and given certain labels depending on our role in those
systems. These labels carry inherit privileges and disadvantages which we
sometimes use to define us, but if we do we’re selling our potential short. It
is our choice every moment if we use our time to live up to those labels, to
run away from them, or to have the internal guidance to make choices based on
truth rather than the system. This requires the strength of an emotional
warrior, to not run away from our problems but learn from them and express our
emotions when we choose it to be appropriate. For this to work we must stop
caring about how they want to label us, and therefore strip them of their power
to decide our life’s direction. You might have heard of this response as fight
or flight, but I think our choices are truly fight your problems, run away from
your problems, or control your environment to fix your problems. Within these
systems those born with significant privilege are more easily susceptible to
take those privileges for granted without outside comparison of the context of
life around them. In this situation, although the resources, ability, and
opportunities may be present, advancement is hindered due to a lack of
motivation. Those born to significant disadvantages often appreciate earned
privileges more due to the effort and trials that were overcome to possess that
privilege. However, those born to disadvantage are often restricted in their
pursuit of advancement by limited resources, ability, or opportunities. In my
business classes it is explained that you need motivation, ability, and
opportunity to achieve what you desire. I believe by providing the resources
across lines of privilege to those most motivated to create their opportunities
for success we have the opportunity to reshape the world.
If
time is our most precious resource, then the more time we save the more we can
spend time doing the things we most desire to do. However, I feel like
corporations have taken advantage of this to offer convenience over substance
when profit is the bottom-line goal. I am a child of the technology era, and
I’m fortunate enough to be born in a pivotal time in world history as global
relations improve and international communication is increasing. I have been
privileged in so many ways, with a loving and supportive family, amazing and
diverse friends, and many trials and tribulations that my community has helped
me to overcome. I have a unique set of skills when it comes to technology,
music, event planning, marketing, and international relations. I’m not worried
about being the richest person in the world, my most valuable possession is my
time, and I invest it in those I love that my experiences might help give back
to the community that’s helped me so much. People call me crazy for thinking I
can change the world, but I think those crazy enough to think they can change
it are the ones that do. I don’t have my future etched in stone, but as my
mother always told me, “Shoot for the moon because even if you miss you’ll land
among the stars.” I’m still learning, and as long as I am alive I will be a
student, but the purpose and value of my life comes from watching the ripple
effect of the love I invest in everyone I meet.
My Fiance and I - 22nd Birthday
GOING FORWARD
Currently, my day job is as the Box Office Manager for the Stockton Symphony. Additionally, I am in the processing of open my own consulting firm for event planning and social media marketing. Shooting for the moon I’d like to
launch myself traveling internationally and touring anywhere I can to see as
much of the world as possible. At the end of the
day, I want to open a University for Native Americans in Northern California.
It would be modeled after a version in Johannesburg, South Africa where
students get real world experience working administratively for the university,
and their work subsidizes the cost of attendance making it accessible to
low-income communities. I believe education is the key to thinking critically,
and if we can awaken this interconnected generation of Millennials to pursue
truth rather than tradition we have the capability to reshape the entire world
economy sustainably. The old world taught that for a new civilization to rise
another must fall, but I don’t agree with this model in modern context. We are
seeing technical evolution at such a rapid rate, it is making it possible to
communicate in ways never imagined and make executive decisions that more
adequately represent the people. It’s not that everything in society is wrong,
but it needs to be upgraded to keep up globally. However, the beauty in the
cultures of the past should be kept alive as they still have lessons to teach
us. This is just my story, and I am just one girl, but maybe one day you’ll be
able to say you know one girl that changed the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment